There have being so many moments over the last few months where I have wondered how did I get here? Some days I am really happy. Feel like the kids & I are doing really great. Some days I’m so lonely & ache to have a mans strong arms around me. Those days are getting fewer. Still there, but not nearly as bad as it was. We are finding our rhythm.
The good days make me think I made the best decision, the bad make me doubt & over think everything. If we could have gotten back to a good place again. Then I snap out of it & realize that we could never get back there. We have to much history. History can be a good thing but not in this relationship. There have being to many hurts. On both sides but some things I won’t ever be able to overlook. I am very forgiving but even I can’t forgive some things.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. It took a lot for me to say I wanted out of my marriage. I think every day about if I did it the right way. If my kids will hate me one day. But then I look at how he is handling things it really makes my decision the right one. I needed to be me again. I needed to be happy. That’s what I hope my kids see. That I got lost and needed to find me to be a better mom, a better person.
I have come so far, but I couldn’t have done it without my friends. My family helped as much as they could but my friends were there on my darkest days. They feed us, gave us a place to stay, listened. Let me cry & moan about it & told me I was strong, that I could get thru this. They helped me get to this place. They 3 most awesomest friends any girl could have. I’m a so lucky I had them. I don’t know where I would be without them.
My future is going to be so good. My kids are doing great considering all the changes. We are getting thru this. I never thought we would get to a happy place but we are slowly getting there. We have some great things happening in the next few months. It’s all good.
A time will likely come when your kids hate you. But kids hating their parents is an inevitability for most of us. You have to do what you have to do and sooner or later the kids get that.
The important thing is to not worry about it, weather it when it comes and trust that you’re going through a natural cycle.
How did I not realize that you had a blog?
WTF is wrong with me?
You are a very strong Woman…. Taking that first step is so difficult. If not now, some day, your kids will see that you did what was best, not only for you, but for them.